I have been working on the AP portfolio this year. The central idea of my concentration is loneliness and fear. I know I am in the generation where the streets are crowded, people are laughing. I not alone, but still lonely. I am bad at speaking out my feelings, so I draw. art is not just a hobby, it is my dream and what makes me myself, what connects me with other people.
I am very hard on myself, but I often lack the passion to work things in the way I want them to be done. The feeling of powerlessness bothers me constantly, makes me feel discouraged. In artwork number two, a girl in white is falling down to the ocean. Although people always say that I am already really good in the age of sixteen, my sadness does not go away. This is why the girl in the painting is falling with a golden key. Although she is unique, she is still falling to the bottom, down to the mountain of broken machines. Everytime when I sob, I like to leave myself in isolation. I don't understand the others, and they don't understand me. I can't comfort the others, and they can't comfort me. I can't help the others, and they can't help me. Sometimes even talking to my parents will double the pain, because elders always see things in their own way. This is suffering, yet it is fine for me. Everything is in the right place. I demonstrate this feeling in artwork number six, painting of a crying man. Although you are so close to this person, you still know nothing about him.
I think my perspective changed through the process of creating portfolio. I believe fear and loneliness are big topics, and they applies to everyone. I not only focused on expressing my own feeling, but I also started to think wider, from more points of view. I created a piece called "Salute", two hands holding a camera. It is 2019, everyone is under cameras, but you never know who is watching. Another piece I want to talk about is "Funeral", flowers blooming on an old typewriter covered in plastic. It is the funeral of a generation and the fear of being forgotten.